That's right, folks; I'm calling it early. Tonight, the cheese party takes the election.

I can't, however, tell you which of that party's candidates should be declared the winner.  It's just too close to call.

One the one hand, you have the tie selections of all the NBC news staff.  Brian Williams apparently lost a bet and ended up with a Halloween stripped tie, only to be slightly outdone by the heinous affair around the neck of Tom Brokaw.  There are plenty of colors that aren't associated with either party that they both could have worn in order to appear neutral.  Not sure why they thought ugly would best serve the occasion.

Then there are the graphic boards on CNN.  Seriously, CNN, you do not have to have an interactive graphic for every "fact" you report.  I work in tech, so I know how pricey those giant touchscreen monitors are, but do you have to use them every 5 seconds?  You don't have to draw a circle around Florida every time you mention it.  Florida has a rather recognizable shape..we know where it is, and no matter how many times you circle it, it is still too close to call.  Ditto for Chuck Todd and his touchscreen on NBC.  Just because your circles are green, Chuck, they are no more important, nor are they less cheesy.

Fox News?  Your anchors are too plastic.  Seriously.  They look like Sears mannequins.  And their super shiny lip gloss and bad toupee (please, tell me that is a toupee) do not make them more credible.  Especially when your electoral projections are conspicuously slow in awarding any votes to Obama.  You are supposed to be a news channel, not a campaign channel.

And then there is Diane Sawyer, who George Takei theorizes may be more than slightly inebriated, slurring her way around live feeds from all over the country.  I'm not sure if she's cheesy as much as she's just sad.

But, I think the winner may just have to be NBC and their ice rink electoral map in "Democracy Plaza."  I hope that that last sentence is enough of an explanation.  Just in case, I repeat: Ice. Rink. Map.


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Apparently this is not the first election the ice rink map has been in the running.  How I missed it before I'm not sure.  Perhaps it was because it ran alone before where as this year they have paired it with the virtual race up the building behind it to the all important 270 electoral votes.  The building which is lit up with a stars & stripes motif, no less

At least in the midst of all the cheese, while we wait to see if Florida has learned to count in the past 12 years, there is Jon Stewart to enlighten and entertain us.  Thank you, Jon, for consistently raising the level of the dialogue, for calling bullshit when you see it, and for maintaining a sense of humor the whole time.  You and John Oliver give me hope for humanity.