Holiday Malaria and Other Traffic Horrors

I remember being told, during a Saturday stint in comedy defensive driving, that it was physically impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. I have no idea if this fact is true or not, but I can attest to the fact that it is impossible for Daisy to sneeze her eyes open, even when she is trying to navigate Week-of-Christmas Traffic at the mall.

Have you seen these people drive? The ones who are all cracked out on gingersnap samples and Chick-fil-A lemonade.

O.k., fine, I may have been guilty of partaking, quite liberally, of the lemonade, but I have an excuse: I needed the vitamin C to fight off my most recent case of Holiday Malaria. We are talking a landfill of Kleenex and a truckload of Sudafed. My sinuses feel like an overinflated balloon animal. All puffy and tied up in knots.

It was in this weakened state that I headed out Monday for 6 long hours of Christmas shopping.

Now, I admit to occasionally practicing the fine art of procrastination, but I honestly was down to my last 4 presents when I headed out Monday morning. The whole trip should have taken 2 hours, 3 tops. Then my cell phone began to ring, and I found myself in the very familiar situation of becoming my family's designated shopper.

First there was the request from Mom: could I go to Target to look for the ballerina princess piggy bank for her to give Favorite Youngest Niece. Sure. No problem. I will make a second trip to Target to look for said swine.

Then there was call number one from Big Sis: could I look for slouchy sweater slippers for her stepdaughter...who wears a ladies size 10! Not a common size, but common enough to be sold out in the color she two Targets.

Then there was call number two from Big Sis: could I stop in Marshall's to by undershirts for Brother-in-Law. Undershirts are just a hair's breadth away from underwear, but knowing she lives an hour from the closest mall, I figured I'd help a Big Sis out, so off I go to Marshall's, where I have to stand in line behind 4 teenage girls who had decided to by frames for everyone on their Christmas list. And then had decided to change their minds about the frames repeatedly while waiting in the checkout line.

Needless to say, after 6 hours, I was pooped, so I headed home, switched to Actifed, and fell asleep on the couch.

Today? Today I finished buying all but one present, and I even managed to make a grocery store run to buy what I needed to try to make sweet potatoes on Christmas day.

Tomorrow I will sleep late. I will not answer the phone. I will not get out of my pajamas. I will not push a basket, swipe my credit card, or request a gift receipt from anyone.

I am on vacation.

Posted at 8:51 PM
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2 Days and Counting

Two more days and I am officially on vacation! Woohoo! Now the real question is: will I be able to finish my Christmas shopping in the next 2 days so that my vacation can be shopping-free? Answer: Not a chance in hell.

If my siblings would just stop reproducing, my Christmas list might be manageable, but as things stand, I've got a ways to go before Santa Daisy's sleigh is ready for deliveries. There are books to buy (because when you have an aunt who used to be an English teacher, you can pretty much bet she's gonna give you a book for every holiday), and gift cards to stuff them with (because when you are a teenager, books are very rarely on your Christmas list, but gift cards to places like Abercrombie and iTunes are pretty much a must), and gift bags to stuff with tissue paper (because when you are a one-year-old, the tissue paper is just as much fun as the gift it hides).

But, my favorite Christmas purchase so far?
That mischievous grin can only mean that this little guy
is none other than the Christmas ornament incarnation
of my beloved Winged Monkey.

That's right. It's a Winged Monkey Christmas ornament I found on, made by SWStitchery.

And I got the last one.

And it arrived today. All prettily wrapped.

And it's waiting to be opened by the Winged Monkey himself, who (unless he reads this before he comes over tonight) has no idea I bought it for our tree.

I know. I know. Sappy. But adorable nonetheless. No?

Posted at 7:53 PM
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The Latest Buzz

After 30 straight days of blogging, this Daisy was in need of a little break. Not much has been happening lately anyway.

The piping from Upstairs continues, as does the obnoxious pounding they make going up and down their stairs. This weekend, the musical stylings from above included some singing, as well. I swear, if they had 8 more kids they'd be putting together an act like the Van Trapps.

The Winged Monkey, it turns out is as much of a controlled pyromaniac as myself. We've had a fire in the fireplace at least half a dozen times over the past week, and we would have more, but firewood if flippin' expensive. I'm thinking I may have to filch a few logs from the stack at good ol' Mom & Dad's house when next I visit.

We've been able to have the fires because it has finally gotten cold down here in Big D. There was even a bit of snow one morning, as I walked to work, but the ground was still way to warm for anything to stick, so it was more like fluffy rain in the end.

The biggest event of the past week? I went to hear Buzz Aldrin speak last night at SMU.

I kind of have a thing for all things space, so this was a big event for me. I can still remember standing in my pajamas, watching the first shuttle launch (and several after that one) on the 9 inch color TV, complete with requisite rabbit ear antenna, in the back of my parents' bedroom. I was hooked. It didn't help that my dad was a huge Star Trek fan (though, thankfully, not the conventioning type), or that my family has referred to me as a martian (mainly because I don't like ice cream or chocolate) for as long as I can remember.

So, you can see why I'd be interested in going to see a man who'd actually walked on the moon, and who is seriously planning to send people to my supposed home planet.

And Buzz...likes to talk. More than Daisy.

The format was supposed to have been question and answer, but by the time Buzz was done with his "few words" of intro., the audience already knew about his education, his career, his 4 marriages, his multiple addictions, his depression, and his frustration with current space policy in the U.S. That all left time for a whole 3 questions, the first of which was about how his space journeys affected his belief in and perception of God. His answer?

"I'm not sure if the journey there and back really changed me all that much in that respect...If anything, my belief in a Supreme Being was most influenced by the many rehab. programs I've participated in over the years." (Paraphrased a bit, but fairly close to verbatim, if memory serves.)

Lol! I'm not sure that's the answer the young lady was looking for. She didn't seem the type to want to try addiction and rehab to get closer to her God. But what an endorsement for those 12 Step Programs. ;)

Posted at 7:12 AM
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Daisy's Tweets

My Momma Taught Me To Share

Tag, you're it!