On this episode of House: A team of doctors will try to diagnose what is causing Daisy to have been in pain for the past 3 1/2 weeks.
Doc 1: I think you have Pleural Malaria (pleurisy), or possibly a strained muscle. Let me take an x-ray and give you ineffective medicine.

Doc 2: I haven't got a clue what's wrong with you, let me walk down the hall and ask a colleague.

Colleague down the hall: I think it could be a Neural Compression Malaria (pinched nerve). Let us radiate you yet again for more pretty green pictures. Then we will make you wait a week to get an MRI while giving you nothing new to help with the semi-excruciating pain that is keeping you up at night at nagging you throughout you day and making you cranky and causing you to pick fights with your Winged Monkey.

Daisy: Before I spend all that money, let me email my real doc, who I haven't been able to see because he plays a lot of golf and see what his thoughts are. (He's a really good doc, and like House, he solves most cases when not actually in the exam room, or so I like to think.)

Real Doc: Dear Daisy, I'm going with the NCM, but instead of making you shell out a couple hundred dollars, because insurance usually sucks, and instead of exposing you to yet more cancer-inducing gamma rays that could potentially make your already fair skin really glow in the dark, why don't we try a $5 prescription steroid pack first and see if that fixes you?

Now I know why I like House so much. It reminds me of...me, only minus the "she'll be dead in 10 hours if we don't figure this out" part that inevitably pops up in every episode. I'm more of a "someone is gonna kill her if she doesn't stop bitching about how she doesn't feel good, so we better fix her for the sake of everyone's sanity" kind of crisis.

Of course, as I wrote the WM in an email earlier: "With my luck, the steroid pack will treat whatever it is that hurts but will cause me to grow a third eye. You like my eyes, yes? Would you like more of them to stare deeply into? With three, I could definitely wink at you a lot more. I don't think I wink enough, so this could be a good thing."

I haven't gotten a reply from him yet, because it's, you know, freakin' early and most people are still asleep, but those of us who may have NCM are awake because, you know, laying down hurts.

But I've been thinking about the winking thing, and I don't think it is just me. I really think the wink is underutilized in today's world. I may have to work on bringing it back. I did wink at the WM once last year, when we weren't dating and I had made some smart-assed remark, and he thought it was hilarious, as I recall.

You have to be careful though. There is a fine line between the right amount of winking and the appearance of a facial tic. According to the Diva, dates with facial tics are a wee bit distracting, so keep that in mind, people, if you are now considering trying the whole winking thing.

As with most things in life, moderation is key.